How do I forget about someone?

Hours, days, or weeks after the breakup, that is what we often ask. We’ll always try to find a way to move on quickly. And, we try to cope in different ways. Yet, we always fall into a common denominator—it is by thinking that forgetting them means faster healing. That it means we are healed. But you cannot forget about someone who you truly loved. Because, how can you just forget about someone who you once imagined marrying?

That’s the same question I asked myself right after sending that break-up message. I didn’t want to end things with that person. I tried to cope with it by distance. I chose to run away from everyone. By deactivating. By blocking his socials. However, neglecting the pain doesn’t take it away. It did not erase him from my memory. It only made healing harder.

During that phase, it’s a rollercoaster ride of emotions I have to face everyday. It’s ironic when what I thought were smooth sailing days—there comes another wave—and I realized that letting the pain eat you is okay. Crying and missing them is normal. The pain doesn’t disappear overnight, but it becomes lighter to carry.

Pain is a blessing in disguise. There’s so much beauty in it. It is about acceptance. Some people are really not meant to stay, as they’ll only serve as a lesson for us on the way.

You shouldn’t just focus on forgetting about them: instead, try to focus on finding the peace in that heartbreak. I acknowledged the fact that I'll no longer bring the past back: instead, I shifted my understanding that the breakup was perhaps necessary. It made me the person that I am today, and the person I will be tomorrow. Because I know that the deepest part of my soul carries the fragments of his love.

You can’t forget about someone to prove you’ve moved on. Out of the blue, you’ll still think about them—but it’s no longer out of longing. Rather, it is from realizing how they have shaped you. What stays are the lessons they left behind.

The Frontman