I want you to meet my friend. However, unlike others—she doesn’t make me feel good, not even a little.
Every time we’re outside, she seems to be ashamed of me because I am “weird,” apparently.
Every time we eat outside, she tells me that I should take the salad instead of the chips because it is healthier and I don’t deserve to eat the chips anyway.
If I fail a task, she calls me a loser. A failure. A useless kid. She degrades me.
Whenever she becomes too much and I start crying, she yells at me. She tells me that I am too sensitive, too dramatic about everything—even the smallest things, even about her.
I want to despise her. I want to hold a grudge against her. But for some reason, I can't fully hate her.
There were many times when I wished I could simply lie down without guilt because of her. I wanted to breathe without asking for permission. I wanted even just one moment without her.
I often wonder what my life would be without her. Will I finally understand peace? Will I be able to finally rest?
Maybe it’s because of our shared past, our shared pain. After all she’s been with me through my ups and downs. She knows my history too well.
By now, maybe you are wondering: Why don’t you end this friendship?
The truth is I can’t.
Because this friend is me.
Or atleast, a part of me. A voice living inside my own little mind for as long as I can remember.
It’s not easy. But everyday, I always try to ignore her a little more. Day by day, it gets better.
And maybe, someday, I will be happy again.
