LISTEN TO ARTICLESynthesized Narration • 0:00 / 0:00

“I guess no one ever taught you how to be a real man.” — beabadobee, “Real Man” Ironically enough, the meta for what makes a “real man” has shifted again. In recent times, there has been a growing popularity online in men who take on soft aesthetics and delicate mannerisms, such as those who drink matcha with music playing on wired earphones; those who listen to artists like Clairo, Laufey, or beabadobee; or those who use jorts, beanies, and tote bags. While the aesthetics may be soft, the social implications are heavy. As comical as these performative males may be, the increasing number of men who engage in this performativity reveals certain problems within the collective male community. Snakes in the grass Despite performance being an intrinsically human characteristic, there comes a point where performance becomes toxic. And for men, it has been toxic for the longest time. Before the 21st century, men had to dress formally and act with class. When the 2010s came, male standards shifted again, with men leaning towards the stereotypical jock, ‘bad boy’ style. Then, in 2020, there came an influx of hypermasculine, ‘gymrat’ men as the ‘alpha male’ became the meta. At the same time, Korean fashion became trendy in our country, prompting many Filipino men to dress in Uniqlo clothes from top to bottom and get a Korean perm for their straight hair. Cut to now, and men are in their softcore era. The aesthetics are ever-changing, but one thing remains constant about masculinity: the need for standards of what makes a desirable man. Men have stuck themselves in a loop wherein they must abide by the meta for masculinity for the sake of social validation and desirability, at the cost of authenticity. Toxic masculinity is still a problem; it’s just wearing a gentle disguise now. Wolves in sheep’s clothing It may be confusing that soft is the new masculine when it has historically been the opposite. However, this only shows a certain pattern; the standards for masculinity have become centralized on what gives clout—more worryingly, clout in the form of the women who find the performativity attractive. Soft, reserved, and clean men have undeniably become more appealing to women, as shown by the popularity of, for instance, male K-pop idols who wear makeup and do aegyo, or fictional male anime characters who present themselves more androgynously. However, by performing and abiding by what women find attractive nowadays, it only perpetuates the male gaze, which further drives the way heterosexual men see women as a prize or as something to attract for pleasure’s sake. Performative men may read feminist literature, but that doesn’t mean the performance is inherently feminist. Culture vultures A TikTok user posted online: “Is it still performative if I’m gay?” When a collection of hobbies and mannerisms is framed as ‘performance,’ it is only natural for it to be made a laughing stock by people. However, as amusing as it is to poke fun at those who are absurdly performative, this may be harmful for those who genuinely involve themselves in this culture of interests, as the line between those who are performing for clout and those who aren’t, such as the LGBTQIA+ community, becomes blurred. Obnoxious performativity, despite a superficial understanding and involvement in the culture, only harms those who truly partake in the culture and makes them more vulnerable to mockery. Bullseye Don’t get me wrong, the comedy around performative males is indeed quite funny. However, that doesn’t take away from the problems that performativity sweeps under the rug. By jamming themselves into a loop of performativity, men have only made the job harder for themselves. No matter the meta’s aesthetics, it is toxic to keep chasing modern standards, and it is also just as harmful when the standards are a by-product of the objectifying male gaze and stolen culture. What men have continuously failed to realize is that desirability and attractiveness are not derived from mere performance—it comes from inside. While there is no perfect definition of a ‘real man,’ men should focus on having genuine social awareness and instilling the right values rather than simply wearing a disguise for society’s approval. Authenticity is far more important than reading books or owning tote bags and labubus just to build an outward image. In the end, the matador may decide to dress vintage, drink matcha, and read feminist literature. But that doesn’t make him any less of a vicious matador.